Monday, January 30, 2012

Painful Pruning

Just days before embarking on my 5th annual Winter Retreat with some of the most fantastic people in the world, I experienced my first extremely challenging run. Days before that, I had begun experiencing spontaneous foot, knee, and hip joint pain despite the fact I hadn't even run for 4 days before that. The pain accompanied me on last Thursday's very difficult 7 mile run and there were a few times I thought maybe I should just call it quits. I didn't want to overextend myself if my body was warning me of something wrong, but I wanted to balance that with enduring the inevitable pain coming with long-distance training so as to build my stamina. I ended up making it through, but with the notion I probably shouldn't do another long-distance run over 4 miles for at least a week to allow my body to recuperate.

The retreat at Lake Geneva Youth Conference center (starring 200 middle schoolers from various area churches and my small band of brave 20, 30, and 40 somethings) was a hoot and a half as always. It is so refreshing to receive a yearly license to be loud, obnoxious, and ludicrous and be able to blame it on lack of sleep and too many jostles of the brain whilst midnight tubing.

The other bright spot of the weekend was our speaker, Paul, whose brilliant message left a deep footprint on my heart. He spoke from John 15 (the Vine, the branches, the bearing of fruit, and all that jazz...) and shined all kinds of light on one of those uber familiar passages people tend to gloss right over. But one segment of his message in particular floored me--that of the pruning process for the branches, signifying the trials and tribulations of the believer. The quote Paul read from a commentary on this passage Saturday night was by far the most impactful:




The greatest judgment God could bring to a believer would be to let him alone, let him have his own way. Because God loves us, He “prunes” us and encourages us to bear more fruit for His glory. If the branches could speak, they would confess that the pruning process hurts; but they would also rejoice that they will be able to produce more and better fruit.




Your Heavenly Father is never nearer to you than when He is pruning you. Sometimes He cuts away the dead wood that might cause trouble; but often He cuts off the living tissue that is robbing you of spiritual vigor. Pruning does not simply mean spiritual surgery that removes what is bad. It can also mean cutting away the good and the better so that we might enjoy the best. Yes, pruning hurts, but it also helps. We may not enjoy it, but we need it.




How does the Father prune us? Sometimes He simply uses the Word to convict and cleanse us. (The word translated “purge” in John 15:2 is the same as “clean” in John 13:10. See Eph. 5:26–27.) Sometimes He must chasten us (Heb. 12:1–11). At the time, it hurts when He removes something precious from us; but as the “spiritual crop” is produced, we see that the Father knew what He was doing.


As I listened to this insight, numerous things ran through my head. First, I envisioned my non-believing friends who are/have/will face trials and how this passage and gleaned wisdom could serve as a testimony to them.

Then, I contemplated how I convey this message to my own students through discipline, consequences, and tough love. I put them all through their fair share of suffering and hardship knowing full well its necessity for their growth and refinement and preparation for the future. With their meager pinhole-sized view of the situation, the students easily become resistant, closed-off, or even angry in response. But, my bird's eye view, along with the wisdom and understanding it brings, allows me to intuit that the unpleasantness they face is of great value and promoting their welfare.


The first few minutes after the teaching session I paraded around feeling quite philosophical, enlightened and borderline smug at just how attuned I was to this pruning process already.


Then, at some point it hit me. In this life I am not the wise, all-knowing Teacher, but the impatient, egocentric, ignorant student who whines and laments and manipulates in an attempt to get out of unfavorable situations. Sure, I may be growing in my ability to handle tough situations with grace and prayer and wise counsel; yet I still repeatedly refuse to acknowledge that there is Someone infinitely wiser who loves me dearly, whose ways are perfect, who is orchestrating my life perfectly to reach the destination meant for me.

I need to be perpetually cognizant of my own pinhole-sized view of my world and stop plotting and planning and attempting to usurp control as if I have even an inkling of what the panorama of my life looks like. That's hard to do if I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, as is customary for my line of thinking.

For some reason--be it scars of past wounds, or low self-esteem, or even a warped self-centeredness--I've always had this mentality that I'm not destined to reap the joys of life that others experience (a family of my own, for instance). As a result, I'm all the more propelled to try to seize the joys for myself--as if I have the power.

Taming the control-freak is an ongoing battle in all areas of my life, but perhaps where I need to focus my energies at the moment is reminding myself that God wants as much joy and prosperity for my life as I do, and even more. It's just that, the joy and prosperity doesn't get handed to me in a pretty box the moment I snap my fingers. It comes after many seasons snipping and trimming, wounds and scars.

But it comes.

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Monday, January 16, 2012

The grass is sometimes greener on this side...

Having emerged from, what I hope, was the lowest point of grief and feeling more myself again, I've really been able to take a step back and evaluate the state of things around me. The result of this has been a good kick in the pants with the realization of the pain others are experiencing on an ongoing basis. Family, friends, and loved ones are mourning tragedy, battling illness, and are rebuilding their lives from scratch. Even though I've been knowledgeable of these situations, I don't know what's possessed me to almost believe I've been the worst off. I think it's just part and parcel of the fallen human condition that we get lost in our woes and forget to count our blessings, but I'd like to try and rise above that now that I'm aware of my faults.

I randomly stumbled upon a blog kept by a married Christian couple who lost their 9-month-old to a rare and aggressive brain tumor this past year. It follows their journey from his diagnosis to his passing only a month later, and then into their coping process up until now. It scares me to think how caught up in myself I've been while two people are going through a type of pain I can't even fathom, even though they have logged thousands of words about it. I don't have a child and I don't even know these people, but strangely I feel the urge to carry some of the burden with them.

I guess this is the true meaning of compassion, and it's something I'd like to hone while the time is ripe. Admittedly, I'm such an analytical type, so often stuck in my own mind, that it can take a real effort to step outside myself and truly, TRULY care and sacrifice for others. But it's seemed to come a little more naturally lately, and it's been a fruitful time to really connect with others and filling some of my own voids as a byproduct. I hope I only gain momentum in this realm as I continue in my growth process.

Acts 20:35: In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.

[Quick update on the running front: I am currently running 6 miles about 3 times a week with walking and cross training on the days in between. I'm down about 7 pounds from my horrific weigh in of a couple weeks ago--that is, if the scale is reading accurately. This is a great victory seeing as my legs continue to fill out with muscle, and so I must be slimming down in other areas. I'm officially signed up for the Rock 'n' Roll half on July 22nd and will start training officially in a couple months. Since I anticipate being able to run 8 or 9 miles straight by that time, I'll probably pick up later in the training schedule where I'm already running more miles. Onward!]

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Rock 'n' Roll!



About 3 weeks into my "New Shoes" lifestyle and--despite deep bruising on my shin due to a freak collision between my leg and one of the meow-meow's heads (the cat is okay...unfortunately) I'm already up to six miles straight.


I'm on a pretty good trajectory seeing as I believe I've found my half-marathon of choice. The 2012 Chicago Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon. I'm told by co-workers who've run it that it's just a big party, and with all the excitement, you're quickly distracted from thoughts of the daunting distance. And let's face it, who wouldn't want to run down the middle of Lakeshore Drive and be handed a beer when you cross the finish line?




The race is on July 22nd, about 26 weeks from now. Given that the typical training program is between 15-20 weeks, it would be overkill for me to start building up to the big miles. At the same time, I don't plan on backing off the running all together. I'm liking the mental and physical satisfaction felt after a long run, and I've found a whole new dose of motivation to eat well.


With intense discipline, achieving new physical heights, and treating my body right comes the new "lease on life". I've really surmounted the sobfest of Christmas break and have emerged renewed in my personal worth, as well as cognizant of just how sweet I've got things in life. That doesn't exactly mean I've "crossed the finish line" on my race to healing my heart. My "NON-resolution"resolution for the year is remembering who I am--God's intention for me despite my obligations and importance to co-workers, friends, family, and especially romantic interests. I've forgotten a lot about that person while busy molding myself into shapes I think may please others.

I wish that journey was as tangible and formulaic as training for half marathon, but I guess it's another lesson in surrendering to what is not completely within my control.

I'm not so good at that.

1 Corinthians 3:16 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?


Friday, January 6, 2012

The Wii never lies


My room mate got a Wii for her birthday and shortly thereafter purchased the Wii Fit Plus. I was quite excited to reap the benefits of its presence in my household. After I had about exhausted Super Mario Bros. within the first few days of Christmas break, I thought I'd make a more healthful use of my free time and hop on the Fit to change up my work out routine. Though it isn't the most challenging, I'm able to work up a sweat and have a little entertainment too (Rhythm Kung-Fu = the bomb).

I tried it out a time or two before Christmas, and then began my running the following week. The next time I got on the Wii, it signaled that my body weight had changed from the original weigh in. I gloated believeing, naturally, that I had already shed a few pounds from the long distance training. To my horror, however, when I took the body test, it said I had gained about 4 pounds within a week. I scoffed. Yes, I had had quite a bit of holiday treats in the past week, but with the amount of working out I was doing, there was nooooo way I could have allowed myself to gain that much that fast. I jabbed the power button on the Wii with great satisfaction and walked away.

Yesterday, I hopped on again and went straight to the body test. Having done several more runs and feeling really good, I knew for sure this time I had dropped some lbs. I laughed out loud when it told me I'd gained another 5 pounds since my last gaining "mishap". This was just ridiculous. I'd noticed myself starting to trim down in some areas, I had run 5.5 miles the day before, and I was feeling really strong. Clearly this machine was going haywire.

Still, I had to wonder. From what I had online, the Wii board is supposed to be pretty accurate at measuring weight. And, even if it wasn't 100% accurate, the indication of that big of a weight gain was a warning flag. I decided it was time to face the music and test myself on the home scale that's seen me through the years and generally tells me the truth.

Stepping onto the scale, I made a noise like the wind had been knocked out of me at what I saw. It was one of the highest readings I'd seen since I dropped all my weight years ago. Reality check time!

STILL, I was floating down the longest river in Egypt. I had just eaten dinner and I usually weighed myself in the morning and I was...wearing clothes? I decided there was only one way left to determine the truth. I ran and pulled out my tight fitting work pants from Express--the skinniest thing I owned. Jumping into them, I finally had to admit defeat. They barely buttoned.

Hi, I'm Megan, and I've gained a substantial handful of weight since beginning my running program.

It should be a mystifying mystery, but being the "Ms. Fix-It", I am, a few logical explanations came to mind immediately. Mostly all of them were confirmed today when I found this awesome article at Runnersworld.com. Here they are:

The good news: Like the article says, I'm gaining muscle. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it's the oldest excuse for being fat ever. But, I think I can be granted the claim on this one. I've run 25 miles in the past week and a half. My legs have become big running machines, and my hips just feel like they're--as I so eloquently put it to someone today--going POW right now! My pants are going to be a bit snugger for that.

The bad news: I'm already eating way too much. Holidays definitely have a share in the blame, but I'm also already fulfilling my fear of overeating due to increased exercise. I'm going to have to combat the hunger by packing in the protein (per the article's recommendation) and taking it easy on my favorite: the carbs.

Minor setback, but a good reminder that if I'm not going to be counting Weight Watchers points, I better be counting my trips to the kitchen.











Welcome to my life, hard-boiled eggs

Psalm 107:9 For He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with goodness.

Monday, January 2, 2012

I Won't Have my Cake, and I Won't Eat it Either!



Besides restored structure and the chance to start contributing to society again, one of the greatest benefits of returning to normalcy is a return to proper diet.


Only a week into my new running regimen, I've noticed I'm already trimming down a tad in some areas. However, my potential for substantial weight loss is being severely counteracted right now by the fact that Christmas break gives me license to eat the daily rations of a 800 pound polar bear.


With any luck, a strict schedule once again will prevent me from filling in the big gaps of free time with food. On the other hand, the major increase in physical exertion is going to necessitate increased caloric intake. According to an article at Runner's World (see the calorie calculator at the bottom of the article) I'm burning about 127 calories per mile. Right now, running just a little over 5 miles during my work out, I'm burning over 600 calories. That's almost twice what I've been burning in my typical cross-training work outs lately, and my appetite lately is reflecting that.


Unfortunately, I've been more than making up for the burn with pizza or holiday sweets or even one too many 100 calorie packs (one of my specialities: making healthful foods turn into unhealthful foods through mass consumption). I've learned from experience and research that working out a lot can be a real challenge to the diet because it increases hunger pangs and makes you prone to just counteracting the burn with way too much food.


It will be interesting learning to balance the burn with the earn (how many calories I earn back to eat. Yeah, I just made that up. Trademark pending...heh). Counting calories again doesn't excite me. I was a slave to the Weigh Watchers lifestyle for a long time (not like it didn't work, says the girl down 70 lbs. for 5 years now) and the Body Bugg system for a few months it's a little mentally exhausting. But, I suspect if I start seeing some major changes to my body, I might find the motivation to keep on going. We shall see!


1 Corinthians 10:31: So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.